A few more boxes to tick…

…or, “Weird Things People Find  Hot: Part Two”.

The last post could very easily have turned into an e-book, to be honest with you. And it got such a lovely response – everyone who read it was ludicrously complimentary, and a lot of people had more things to add to the list. Nothing I’ve written has provoked such a reaction since I wrote a song that was inspired by a former friend (we’d fallen out rather spectacularly, as teenage girls have a tendency of doing) and performed it at a school gig. The person in question decided – correctly – it was about her, and spent the next few weeks quoting lines from it whenever I was within earshot. So, y’know, don’t piss me off.

But also, thanks for all your lovely comments. They’re totally undeserved – I’m simply giving what goes on in my head free rein, and making you all read it  – but awww, you guys!!

So then. The things that I forgot/didn’t have room for/have been told should go on the list… have some more inexplicably hot stuff to distract yourselves with.

Guys who read. Proper novels. Be the guy in the park/coffee shop/airport with a Penguin Classic and I’ll be trying very hard not to come over and ask if you’re enjoying it, and why or why not specifically. Read something controversial, like Lolita, and have an intelligent conversation about it. Recommend me books, and let me tell you about my favourites. Let me spend ages in any bookshop we happen to come across, and if I find something good, let me ignore you while I get a little bit lost in it. A former flame “didn’t really see the point in reading fiction”. I really should have read the signs, shouldn’t I?

Smoking. Controversial, and not one of mine. I learnt the hard way – I once made out with a pipe smoker and unsurprisingly, it was a more than bit tobacco-y. He was in his twenties, before you ask.

But it can look kind of hot – and double points if you can roll your own. I had a moment a few weeks ago when I was walking along behind this hipster-looking guy. I didn’t notice he was smoking until he took a drag on his cigarette, and threw a bit of a sneer over his shoulder as he exhaled. It was like James Dean and Marlon Brando and, I don’t know, Ryan Atwood, all in the space of about four seconds.

Tattoos and piercings. Again, not really one of mine – apparently I like my men to at least appear clean-cut – but I can see why they’re hot. Something discreet and meaningful can look pretty cool, I think.

Profiles. I love this one – it was suggested to me over the weekend and it was exactly the kind of thing I hoped would come up, because it’s not something I’d ever thought about but it’s something someone else finds really hot. Maybe a chiselled, almost regal profile, or maybe something more quirky… My own profile annoys me no end – my nose seems to point out like a carrot on the face of a snowman. No side-on photos will ever be made public.

Leather bracelets and necklaces. I’m not really a fan of men wearing jewellery as a rule, but the odd leather bracelet/wristband/necklace is definitely more than acceptable. Ditto the wrist sweatbands – not in a 70’s tennis-player way, more a rockstar way.

Geekery. Most people have some kind of nerdy obsession, or a bit of a geeky side to them, and it should be embraced. Personally, I’m an English language geek (Scrabble is not a game I ever take lightly, even against my eleven-year-old sister, and I never met a crossword puzzle I didn’t love); I’m a little bit obsessed with the life of Marie Antoinette, and I have a ridiculous memory for music trivia. Who sang what, what line comes next – they really should have a non-famous-people version of Never Mind the Buzzcocks. I’d ace that. So revel in your nerdiness! (And if I come running to you when my iPod throws a tantrum or my laptop does something weird, be flattered. And fix it for me. There’s a drink in it for you if you do.)

It’s also important that anyone I’m interested in likes animals. It probably shouldn’t be a deal-breaker, but really, who doesn’t like animals?! Yeeeaahh, only suspicious types. There’s a reason I went to the zoo as part of the celebrations for my 22nd birthday. I also crushed for way too long on a guy who was smart, funny, fair-haired and cocky, but the main attraction was that he wanted to be a vet. That is a hot career choice. (He wasn’t into music though, so it never would have worked. Again, really, who isn’t into music?! No one normal, that’s quite certain.)

At some point in my life, I plan on owning at least two of the following: a Labrador, a golden retriever, a King Charles spaniel, a tabby cat and a pair of pygmy goats. In short, only animal-lovers need apply.

That’s enough for now, so I’ll leave you with this. I saw these guys on Sunday night, and hearing this, one of my absolute favourites by them, live, was pure joy:


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