I didn’t want this to be a list post, but…

…I spent two weeks at Student Beans, in the name of finally getting something a bit writer-y on my CV, and most of the 30+ ideas I pitched to them over the course of the fortnight were list-type posts, a la Buzzfeed. It was a good fortnight though – it turns out being a writer involves spending a lot of time on the internet and then trying to be faintly amusing. I’ve been doing it right all along.

I managed to break the golden rule, though – the first rule of work experience is you do NOT get ill during work experience. I don’t do ill. Aside from the odd migraine and like, one bad cold a year. So to go down with tonsillitis on the evening of my very first day was, to be honest, absolutely hideous. I’d never had it before; does it always reduce its victims to weeping messes who are incapable of anything except drinking tea, sleeping and crying? It’s rare that I shamelessly heap praise upon the Boy (Lord knows he’s all too aware of this) but that week, he more than earned my eternal gratitude. From not complaining about my 6.30am alarm, to spending five straight evenings marathoning Modern Family* with me – someone give that boy a medal. Or I’m actually going to have to start being nice to him.

*I’m starting to develop some seriously maternal feelings towards Lily. I mean, look. Look!
https://i0.wp.com/blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/modern-family-jesse-tyler-ferguson-lily-eric-stonestreet-320.jpg

Since work experience ended, I’ve felt a bit drained of ideas for the blog. I’ve got a couple of other writery projects on the go too, but it’s been a month since my last post, and if I’m honest, I’m missing seeing those spikes on the page-views graph. Which is sad but perhaps inevitable.

As my friends and I were trying to leave the pub on Monday, we walked into – or rather, through – an argument about what the best super-power is. My friends are geeky enough to have this conversation down to a Really Fine Art, so naturally they decided to weigh in, with amusing consequences. Which got me thinking – no, not what the best power is, it’s clearly and unarguably “being able to control people’s moods” – but what the best pub conversations are. Because nothing spells conversational gold like being happily drunk and gathered round a table with your best friends.

1) The top one is obviously “if you could have any super-power, what would it be?” As I’ve said, my friends and I have spent hours debating this one. I always go for mood control, the Boy always goes for something to do with having infinite time, and my friend James just wants to control everything. (I think.) It often takes interesting detours, such as “would you rather have an arm that could turn into anything you like, or be able to make it snow whenever you want?” We must have been a few beers in by the time that made any sense.

2) The lunatic idea conversation. A conversation that genuinely happened on Monday night began thus: “What if there was a pill that could give you an instant orgasm?” I felt really, really sorry for the people sitting at the tables either side of us. We got pretty vociferous over this one – the boys were more concerned about how rich it would make them, and I was sitting there wondering aloud if it would bring about some awful societal decline.

3) The heated debate. Say the word “adoption” to a few of my friends, and watch them turn ashen and start going “OH GOD, NO. Not again, please, no.” Last summer, during a cheese and wine evening, we started talking about adoption. (I’ve no idea why.) Cut to about two hours later, and we were all shouting at each other, going “You’re wrong! You couldn’t be wronger! Please stop offending me with your utter WRONGNESS.”

Shit gets rowdy after too much Camembert, you know how it is.

We’ve also all agreed to never again discuss who, out of David Mitchell and Robert Webb, is the funniest. And no, don’t you start.

4) i) The sexual bucket list one. Where you all end up talking about your “lists of stuff you’d like to try”. You have to be quite drunk for this, and often, the weirder and more comical, the better. Can lead to…

    ii) …the sexual tell-all one. (For cleaner version of this, see no 6.) Often a girl thing. You end up divulging everything you’ve ever done ever, and asking each other questions you wouldn’t dream of had you not drunk an entire bottle of wine and multiple shots of tequila.

5) The character assassination one. One of your friends couldn’t make it out, and conveniently it’s the one you all find a bit annoying. After a while, you start talking about them. Then talking turns to bitching, and bitching turns to “I know! Let’s make up a drinking game based upon their behaviour, and unbeknown to them, play it the next time we’re all out together!”

6) The rant. Similar to 3), but it usually involves whisky or wine. I get my feminist rage on – and start saying things like, “when I have my own column in the Guardian” – while someone else I could name but won’t once gave us the complete and unabridged history of his love life. With visual aids via the use of Facebook. Recounting this to my stepfather, he said “Aye, whisky’ll do that to you.”

7) The argument. Again, similar to 3) but much, much more personal. “I didn’t tell you this before but I really have to tell you now. YOU REALLY HURT ME THAT TIME YOU -” etc, etc. Often ends with the argument-starter weeping profusely and declaring passionate and undying love to their victim. (I in no way speak from experience.)

Those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head, but I’m sure there’s many more, so feel free to chip in (hark at me getting all interactive).

Music time – and what a lovely bunch of stuff it is too…

Just when I think I couldn’t want to be this girl anymore than I already do, she comes up with a track that’s even more gutsy and soulful and Stevie Nicks-esque than her previous stuff. Oh yes.

And I’ve not loved everything this band has done, but this song is perfection.

And this too, it’s beautiful (and that kid is brilliant).

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